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It Just Gets Worse! - .....-=Entries of an Honored Warrior=-..... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Rakai'Thwei

[ website | Rakai'Thwei- The Chosen One ]
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It Just Gets Worse! [Mar. 3rd, 2014|07:37 pm]
Rakai'Thwei
[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[Current Music |Main Theme- The Terminator, Brad Fidel]

As of March 1st 4:00 AM Eastern Time, I have had to admit my Mom to the Emergency Room as she had feared she was suffering a heart attack. She had made complaints that she was experiencing extreme chest pains and pressure, making it very difficult for her to sleep and she had to do heavy breathing to alleviate the pain which she had been experiencing. I had asked her if she was feeling any tingling sensation in her arms and fingers, as this is a sign of a heart attack and she had said no. Immediately, I was quick to assume that this was emotional stress getting to her which may contribute to high blood pressure and other symptoms. So to make sure whether or not she was going to be fine, I had to help take her to Kennedy Hospital which is about a five minute drive away. We were immediately admitted and I was informed that my Mom would have to remain at the hospital for a majority of the day as she would have to take some test. No sleep was ever gained on that day.

Upon her return home, Mom had immediately went to bed to relax and she slept for the remaining half of the day and through out the entire night. This was much needed rest which she had been required to take, and I frequently ask her if she is alright or not. She tells me that she is fine, but deep down inside I know that she isn't. So I am gravely concerned about many things now-- where we economically stand, the current state of our staying at the apartment we reside in, and most importantly-- the physical, mental and spiritual health of my mother. Ever since the separation between my mother and my father, she has had it rough. She has had to cope with the loss of a marriage, being a single mother to raise me for the last thirteen years of my life, having to put up with a controlling husband and then finalize the separation with a divorce. She has also had to put up with losing jobs which had high pay, and had to settle with jobs which don't pay her the necessary amount for the life style she wants to live.

Saturday was a rude awakening for the both of us. It was a harsh awakening for my Mom that she is getting older and cannot do as much as she believes herself to do. For me, it served as a reminder that she will not be around forever and that I may need to be relied on in order to help the situation we are in. I have been looking for jobs, ever since the move to Florida and the move back to New Jersey-- no one has called me for interviews, no one has hired me. Sometimes I feel like if I am being tossed aside and not even considered for whatever reason. I just know that my Mom needs happiness in her life again, and she feels money will help. The move to Florida was a bad move, it had killed us financially and we had trouble finding work down there as well for three months. It wasn't until the job up north called that Mom believed she saw a ray of hope, but then a job in Florida called her.. a week later after we were confirmed a move back. But even then, it didn't matter-- to live in Florida, one needs to be retired or married.

Mom has been a survivor all her life. She grew up poor while living in the ghetto of Philadelphia, being the eldest daughter of five siblings to two Puerto Rican immigrants who had little to no formal education. She got married at sixteen years old believing that she would escape the hardship of her life, and eventually moved out of her family's house to live with her husband. She started working around that age and has been working to be successful, without a college education.. Nothing but a high school diploma to carry her. Back in those days, that was all that was needed for someone to work and she was taught some special skills and gained the experience. It wasn't until the 1980s was when she started to see some real money and became successful-- she and my father had formed a hair salon in Philadelphia and for a while things were good. Then when the recession hit, the divorce finalized and her losing her job at NFI, was when it all started to pile up on her. She had to sell the last house we lived in, lost a lot of money because the current residents wanted it lowered to a non-profiting price and had to cope with living in an apartment. The apartment got too expensive, we had to downsize, she couldn't cope.. The move to Florida happened, she's been living off her credit cards, we moved back to Jersey... It eventually got too much and she's finally broken.

She had to take another battery of test, and now she's being put in disability for a few weeks and has been given a prescription for Anti-Depressants.

I know I have to step up and contribute, and I want to help out the situation we are in and maybe dig us out of it. I have sent applications to Big Lots, as I have experience in retail but no phone calls have been made to me to schedule an interview. And I've also tried for Target as well, and again-- no phone calls have been issued to me and I am wondering what it is that I am lacking in order to work in retail. I've worked for Masquerade, LLC and I have worked at Express which is owned by The Limited, LLC. So why am I not being hired by these stores which may help out the situation? It's frustrating.. to hear my Mom talk about her problems with her friends over the phone. It's also frustrating to see one of the strongest women I know... burst into tears and cry, feeling and seeing her heart break because nothing is going the way she planned and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

If there is a God, then I can only hope that we be given a major break. Because something has just got to give.. No one deserves this kind of bad karma. Especially a woman who has been working for forty years to stay out of the streets. I'm tired of hearing her talk about her hardships, I am done with seeing her crying.. because it hurts me as her son.
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